Ok - we had our first fight.
Not that we haven't fought throughout these years - it's just that this is one of the major fights - that I presume it as our first real fight.

I mean - real as in, I drove away accelerating my car as loud as I can just to show my annoyance.
And real as in he walk away without ever turning back.
And real as in he didn't reply any of my SMSes up to this wee hour.

Crap gile.

I'm just too tired - covering up for him.  And I'm so bad at saying 'NO'.  And he sees my emotional behaviour as 'mengungkit' and breaking my promise of helping him.

The concept of helping is that you actually 'assist' - not 'dump everything to the pig' kind of thing.

I am seriously exhausted - and I just need somebody to share the burden - not add another load to the cart. 

I just need somebody to cheer me up.   
I just need somebody to whisper words that can put a smile to my face.
I just need somebody that I care.
I just need him to sit next to me.
I just - want - him.

That is all.  And that is the kind of thing that you can't simply say out loud.